Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Sometimes, people think professors aren't ever funny or hip. They are wrong. Professors can be pretty hilarious and cooler than we think...sometimes it is not their intention, other times it is. I cruised through the Daily Jolt for some funny and hip quotes by Wesleyan professors. Here, I shall share them. These aren't even the best.
"Wasn't Biggie wearing a monacle in the 'Life After Death' video?"
-- Noah Isenberg, Weimar Cinema, on the correlation between Weimar fashion and hip-hop
"Let's face it, when you drink you smell - good as far as I'm concerned..."
Professor David Titus: GOVT 299, talking about the British pub scene
"That Russell Crowe, whoo, he's an attractive guy. I would sleep with him...if I could get over this whole heterosexual thing."
-Professor Charles Lemert, Sociology
"there's something about her butt."
-Lemert, on J.Lo, SOC152
"So, you can find out what my test-giving practice is....before it DESTROYS you!!" - Scott Higgins (FILM 304)
On discussing the first test of the semester
"Nuns always scare me...that's the important thing"-Scott Higgins, FILM 304
discussing his inner fears with the class
"Don't put your hand there, you're not Michael Jackson."
-- Javanese Dance Teacher, while teaching students a new move
"If Mark knew what was coming down the pike he'd shit in his pants."
-Professor Cameron, Religion 212, New Testament, in reference to the Gospels of Mark and Matthew.
"I'm not gonna give you back your papers, I masturbated all over them."
Prof. Armstrong, English Department
What this means is that doggie-style was not allowed, so a lot of you would be in trouble. I might be in trouble.
-- Professor Demetrius Eudell (AFAM203), explaining sexual practices of the Middle Ages
"G.W. Bush, YEEEHAW. The man owned the Texas Rangers, he did coke. He's got a shit load of money. He's a republican. I guarantee that he likes to do it doggystyle. HE'S FROM TEXAS. TEXAS. I guarantee it."
Prof. Portnoy, History
"The whole movie industry is a race of tiny little people. They're like leprechauns."
Prof Bob Smith- History of World Cinema since 1945
"TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR MOM!"
Prof. Tunk (art history) when asked what his new years resolutions would be this yr
"Well, at least it wasn't a body..."
-- Professor Cherie Steele, GOVT155: International Politics, responding to the sound of a dropped Nalgene water bottle hitting the floor
When I was at Wesleyan we had to wear a tie to dinner... So many of us came to dinner naked, with just a tie!
Prof. Elphick, History
"This was known as the 'pubic mustache'... although it's certainly not like anything I've ever seen."
-- Carla Antonccio, CCIV214: Survey of Greek Archaeology
"We look back at the Puritans and say, 'How could they eat people?!' Well, they were very hungry."
-- Professor Kirk Davis Swinehart, HIST237: Early America
"'Oh, shit!' She banged the table twice, then again. 'Oh, shit,' she said, and banged it again. 'Shit! Shit!' Bang. Bang."
-- Professor Rose, ENGL206, on how not to write a fictional scene
"Writing short, clear sentences is like taking all your clothes off."
Professor Greene
"The whole earth is contaminated with life."
Professor Joop Varekamp, Earth and Environmental Sciences
"So, what is Donne trying to say here? Basically, 'I'm a loser... so why don't you kill me?'"
-Professor McCann, on the first verse of John Donne's "The Canonization"
"Candy? CANDY?! You dare come in here with a name like CANDY???"
-- Professor Higoriani, MB&B 101: Nutrition
"Are there a lot of vegetarians in this class? ONE? Oh dear, I thought this was Wesleyan!"
-- Professor Hingorani, MB&B 101: Nutrition
I DO know what the fuck I'm talking about. I got a PhD."
-- John Finn, GOVT 203 Constitutional Law
"There's no crying in college!"
-- Professor John Finn, GOVT 203: American Constitutional Law, on the undergrad experience
"Now tenors...we don't want you to blow your wad all at once!"
-Professor Ron Ebrecht conducting the Wesleyan Singers
________________________________________________________
Oh, and if you want to read reviews of professors, check out esquid.
¶ 10:17 AM
"Wasn't Biggie wearing a monacle in the 'Life After Death' video?"
-- Noah Isenberg, Weimar Cinema, on the correlation between Weimar fashion and hip-hop
"Let's face it, when you drink you smell - good as far as I'm concerned..."
Professor David Titus: GOVT 299, talking about the British pub scene
"That Russell Crowe, whoo, he's an attractive guy. I would sleep with him...if I could get over this whole heterosexual thing."
-Professor Charles Lemert, Sociology
"there's something about her butt."
-Lemert, on J.Lo, SOC152
"So, you can find out what my test-giving practice is....before it DESTROYS you!!" - Scott Higgins (FILM 304)
On discussing the first test of the semester
"Nuns always scare me...that's the important thing"-Scott Higgins, FILM 304
discussing his inner fears with the class
"Don't put your hand there, you're not Michael Jackson."
-- Javanese Dance Teacher, while teaching students a new move
"If Mark knew what was coming down the pike he'd shit in his pants."
-Professor Cameron, Religion 212, New Testament, in reference to the Gospels of Mark and Matthew.
"I'm not gonna give you back your papers, I masturbated all over them."
Prof. Armstrong, English Department
What this means is that doggie-style was not allowed, so a lot of you would be in trouble. I might be in trouble.
-- Professor Demetrius Eudell (AFAM203), explaining sexual practices of the Middle Ages
"G.W. Bush, YEEEHAW. The man owned the Texas Rangers, he did coke. He's got a shit load of money. He's a republican. I guarantee that he likes to do it doggystyle. HE'S FROM TEXAS. TEXAS. I guarantee it."
Prof. Portnoy, History
"The whole movie industry is a race of tiny little people. They're like leprechauns."
Prof Bob Smith- History of World Cinema since 1945
"TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR MOM!"
Prof. Tunk (art history) when asked what his new years resolutions would be this yr
"Well, at least it wasn't a body..."
-- Professor Cherie Steele, GOVT155: International Politics, responding to the sound of a dropped Nalgene water bottle hitting the floor
When I was at Wesleyan we had to wear a tie to dinner... So many of us came to dinner naked, with just a tie!
Prof. Elphick, History
"This was known as the 'pubic mustache'... although it's certainly not like anything I've ever seen."
-- Carla Antonccio, CCIV214: Survey of Greek Archaeology
"We look back at the Puritans and say, 'How could they eat people?!' Well, they were very hungry."
-- Professor Kirk Davis Swinehart, HIST237: Early America
"'Oh, shit!' She banged the table twice, then again. 'Oh, shit,' she said, and banged it again. 'Shit! Shit!' Bang. Bang."
-- Professor Rose, ENGL206, on how not to write a fictional scene
"Writing short, clear sentences is like taking all your clothes off."
Professor Greene
"The whole earth is contaminated with life."
Professor Joop Varekamp, Earth and Environmental Sciences
"So, what is Donne trying to say here? Basically, 'I'm a loser... so why don't you kill me?'"
-Professor McCann, on the first verse of John Donne's "The Canonization"
"Candy? CANDY?! You dare come in here with a name like CANDY???"
-- Professor Higoriani, MB&B 101: Nutrition
"Are there a lot of vegetarians in this class? ONE? Oh dear, I thought this was Wesleyan!"
-- Professor Hingorani, MB&B 101: Nutrition
I DO know what the fuck I'm talking about. I got a PhD."
-- John Finn, GOVT 203 Constitutional Law
"There's no crying in college!"
-- Professor John Finn, GOVT 203: American Constitutional Law, on the undergrad experience
"Now tenors...we don't want you to blow your wad all at once!"
-Professor Ron Ebrecht conducting the Wesleyan Singers
________________________________________________________
Oh, and if you want to read reviews of professors, check out esquid.
¶ 10:17 AM
Comments:
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<3<3finn<3,3<3<3<3<#
I'm so happy you quoted Finn twice.
Here are two more great ones:
"It's a form of bestiality. It's not good for me. It's not....well, it's pretty good for the squirrels."
- John Finn GOVT 203, Constitutional Law, discussing the act of having sex with squirrels.
and
"Better than sex with anonymous strangers. Only barely."
- John Finn, GOVT 203 Constitutional Law, describing how incredible the Supreme Court case Fletcher v. Peck is.
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I'm so happy you quoted Finn twice.
Here are two more great ones:
"It's a form of bestiality. It's not good for me. It's not....well, it's pretty good for the squirrels."
- John Finn GOVT 203, Constitutional Law, discussing the act of having sex with squirrels.
and
"Better than sex with anonymous strangers. Only barely."
- John Finn, GOVT 203 Constitutional Law, describing how incredible the Supreme Court case Fletcher v. Peck is.
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